It’s Tuesday! I STILL watch “Revolution” so you don’t have to!!

Alert: the power is still out.

In the Future, you better know how to sword fight & shoot a crossbow.

In this week’s exciting episode:

  • Charlie Katniss and Uncle Miles and Rhoda (Ronda? Reba? Renee?) are still on the search for Asthma Kid.  But there is tension.
  • Oh yay – rabid dogs roam the overgrown suburbs! And they bite Neckbeard Guy!
  • Evidently, when all electricity fails on earth, this speeds up extreme weather events (rain is coming and this appears to be soul-shattering scary to the Civil War re-enactors holding Asthma Kid captive)
  • Irrelevant flashback about British Lady, about whom none of us really care except that she carries killer whiskey.  Literally.
  • Katniss Mom – still alive!  Evil Monroe keeps her captive, insisting that she knows how to turn the lights back on.
  • We learn that Dead Dad Ben was an ALGEBRA TEACHER!!  JUST LIKE SECRET-COMPUTER-MAKER-ALGEBRA-TEACHER-GRACE!!!  O.M.G. (WHERE is Grace?!?)

Note to self: Algebra Teachers control the secrets of the universe;
review algebra sometime within next 15 years.

  • So. Many. Flashbacks.  {{{Little Charlie Katniss begs Katniss Mom not to leave.  She is ordered once again to protect Asthma kid. (She really has fallen down on this job).}}}
  • Run away from rabid dogs!  Into an abandoned amusement park! (things ALWAYS go well in abandoned amusement parks)
  • The Menudo Kid who’s been following them shows up, and they make him their prisoner.
  • British Lady Flashback again: Now we know what happened to the steam boats: they were destroyed in “The Wars” — evidently, no one was able to, oh I don’t know, REDO the steam concept.
  • Back at Civil War camp, Massive Tornado! Wow, that really IS extreme weather!  Or….they are in Kansas, and it’s just Tuesday.
  • Tearful British Lady recounts meeting up with Dead Dad Ben just as she was about to partake of her killer whiskey.  Still boring.
  • Running from rabid dogs, British Lady is stabbed by Crazy as Shit Dog Owner and announces her artery has been split.  She’s bleeding out. I’m trying hard to care.
  • While British Lady bleeds out, Charlie Katniss tearfully confesses to being an ungrateful annoying kid, so now to make up for it, she’ll hold the cloth on the artery till British Lady dies.
  • Suddenly, Charlie Katniss is attacked and pulled into the kitchen and no one is able to run after her! Oh Noes!
  • Uncle Miles and Menudo Kid go after Charlie Katniss while we learn that the massive tornado has dropped a beam on Evil Captain who begs Asthma Kid for mercy.  Asthma Kid helps Evil Captain and of course gets imprisoned again.
  • Meanwhile, Crazy as Shit Dog Owner ties Charlie Katniss up with a crossbow aimed at her and tied to the door, and proceeds to cook beans while chatting about how his wife died.  NOBODY CARES.
  • Suddenly, Uncle Miles and Menudo Kid fight Crazy as Shit Dog Owner, and we wait tensely for them to open the door which will shoot off the crossbow right at her (oh please, oh please…) The suspense is terrible!!!
  • Arrow misses her by THAT MUCH.
  • British Lady fades from loss of blood and stares at the blank screen of her iPhone. And….SHE DIES.  Charlie Katniss cries.  Neckbeard Guy cries.  Everyone cries. Except me.  Still don’t care.
  • Don’t forget to grab her poison whiskey on your way out!!
  • The episode ends with the mysterious Katniss Mom being told Asthma Kid will be tortured to get her to talk.  We learn that she originally left them to turn herself over to Uncle Miles back when he was evil.  UNCLE MILES KNOWS SHE’S ALIVE!!!

Next week: power is STILL out!

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